by Judas Ere Alisdyan
Let me get this off my sagging chest. I hate Top Gear magazine columnists. Come to think of it, hate doesn’t really describe what I think of those menaces on pen & paper. They violate all rules of responsible journalism known to man. They weave sinister plots and assumptions, at times going against the flow of logic and good sense. They are all color blind-they can’t distinguish a green Kawi from a red Ducati, from a yellow XRM.
They think nothing of writing whatever they want under the sun, on the sidewalk, on a desk, at their computer, by the gutter or street. They will try to squeeze through their thoughts, regardless of consequences, just to get attention. They write anywhere they can write on; they would probably write on a pole or fence if they ran out of paper. They are noisy, especially those with modified mouths… i.e. blabber nonsense and BS rebutals to a growing article controversy that they approved and did not bother to edit.
Why do I deplore them? Maybe because they get away with it. Their Editors-in-Chiefs and those so-called responsible Top Gear publishing enforcers ignore their columnist’s flagrant violations of responsible, sensible journalism. As if being a Top Gear columnist exempts writers from regulations meant to establish objectivity and sensibility on their magazine sheets.
It doesn’t matter whether they are writing about puny scooters with 50cc engines made in China or about 1,000cc-plus Ducatis or Harleys. Their Editors just wave them by as they beat their deadlines.
Okay, envy may also come into it. Oops… scratch that. I am not envious at all of these morons (I’d rather be going past traffic gridlock with gorgeous babes in tight pants and tiny tops clinging to them). What’s this attraction for men who are able to write schmuck articles anyway with power ballpens-no matter how big or tiny-between their legs?
What I hate most is that their numbers are rising every day, exponentially. Top Gear Philippines is, I suppose, proud of what they have achieved and looks to expanding their readership base to more than a million! (wow!) Other magazines are moving in the same direction but luckily for these other magazines, they don’t have schmuck writers like Top Gear. And then there are the made-in-whatever rip-off writers that write on just about any topic from the corner, about motorcycles in urban areas from Aparri to Jolo. And don’t you just hate those dirty, ugly-looking columnists they have sprouting their bull-headed and pig-headed likeness in every barangay?
I can understand the growing popularity of Top Gear. They’re cheap to buy, easy to read, use and throw away after coming out from the toilet, especially in these days of spiraling toilet paper costs and prices. They give the minimum wage earners the mobility of reading about the middle-class car-owning folk at a time when even bus and jeepney drivers far enjoy reading FHM and the like. Even car owners are turning to this Top Gear mag as their daily read for the day at work, at home and at motels… relegating their toilet paper rolls for Sundays, weekend reads or countryside jaunts.
But does every other Top Gear columnist have to write about bikes? Top Gear columnists are infesting wrong ideas in the streets about small barkadas bonded by the smell of fumes and grease between their legs to large groups of scooter-riding Hell’s Angels wannabes with their faux leather vests and helmets bought from street-corner hawkers.
Don’t you just hate it when you read about a writer who doesn’t, cannot appreciate the roar of big bike engines chasing him on the highway on weekends, and then get overtaken by a horde of scooters with mufflers modified to sound like Ducatis? Or being forced to brake hard to save his stupid life because some bike dragster on dark nights on Diosdado Macapagal Boulevard recognized his face as one of the schmuck writers of Top Gear and decided to throw a rock at his car?
I realize that the allure of writing satirical articles by Top Gear columnists is more than just the economy of it. Top Gear columnists I suppose have always been associated with the Born to be Lame stuff ever since Alfred Hitchcock starred in his own film back in the days when movies were in black and white.
But please, we can’t all look like Mon Tulfo or even dream of being like Max Solliven, especially not writing around trying desperately to be satirical, in a faux magazine like Top Gear with the crappy editorial team and heart of steel attitudes they have. Okay, you can dream, but don’t think that a writer or columnist for Top Gear Philippines is an excuse to break basic journalism etiquette, fair play, objectivity and responsiblity or to endanger the lives of other motorists (like bikers) on the road by suggesting that it is open season to “snag” them. We already have a lot of dangerous-because they are ignorant or just plian reckless and irresponsible-writers and columnists using their pen & paper to wreak havoc in our society.
I am ashamed to admit it but I sometimes feel a twinge of enjoyment reading about (maybe in the future) Top Gear columnists getting creamed in assasinations and ambushes-mostly killed, mind you, not just injured, preferably with a bullet in their head (not just a broken bone or two) so they will be off the streets and no longer be a danger to others permanently because of their idiotic articles that merely inflame others or encourage the idiots out there to snag bikers.
I usually take the side of the commuter who opens the door of an FX shuttle and snags a columnist from Top Gear writing on the gutter side of the street, or on the sidewalk where they shouln’t be at all (because they are too engrossed with their own arrogance that they fail to notice where they are writing).
If Top Gear columnists have to form editorial staffs, teams or clubs, then it should be to organize legal fess and attorney claims, in the court of law, since most likely one of these days someone might just decide to sue them for their stupidity.
Otherwise, I dread the day when Top Gear’s prediction-that the Philippines will become a multi-million magazine market (their’s) a year-comes true. In the future, I fear I may be doing some snaggin and snippin myself-wittingly or not, if I happen to come across one of these Top Gear columnists or editors.
Disclaimer: the author expressly forewarns the reading public that his article is merely satirical in nature… and that no real offense, threat, blatant disrespect, nor physical harm is meant in any way nor means to the columnists, editors and writers of Top Gear magazine. The author further emphasizes that this article is meant as a wake-up call to the editors of Top Gear and by no means is it mean to insult their good name.
**reprinted from the original thread by MCP member Mashimaro in the MCP Forum**
Great work Sir Mashi! It made my Friday morning.
I was just wondering if other magazine publishers can help weed out irresponsible columnists. I’m sure they would love to clean up their ranks and boost sales by eliminating competition.
I hope readers catch my drift.
Wow!!!
me pantapat na sa naunang article!!!!
Top gear gising!!!!
Write On, Sir Mashi!
I’ll never buy that trashy Top Gear magazine. I’d rather use the money to buy haw flakes nalang.
LoL, you crack me up, great pen name too. I wish the ‘Menace on Pen and Paper’ issue a rebuttal.
LOL! Kala siguro ni Mr. Sebastian e mga walang pinag-aralan ang mga bikers!…Hoy Baste! Marunong din kami mag-satire!
Wala na sila ibang maisip isulat or may be this person just want to be recognised.
wish we could also have a print of the article, distribute for free for all irresponsible writers and editors like. hey! it really made my day!
Wahahahahahaha!!!
Stabbing is stabbing. You cannot expect everybody to know completely your perspective on how to bring up an issue (Safety, as if). There are points on both sides here but somehow, there should have been a line or two for the laymen to really understand what the article’s target is. I think there was a really big wrong assumption made by the writer on the part of the magazine’s readers (especially the bikers), that his point can be clearly guessed. But he was wrong.
I feel sorry for mr. Sebastian.I think he’s a frustrated biker kaya ganon na lang galit nya sa mga bikers.Inggit?!hehe!
HAHAHA!!! Great retaliation!!! this surely calmed my anguish!! i will have a great day today.
Can we start the snaggin and snippin now? LOL
masaya to. mr sebastian cge na start snaggin us na!!i can’t wait. ready na po ako sa iyo.
I really like this article.. a very good rebuttal to the first email.. though a bit brutal.. but mr. sebastian DESERVES it anyways… hehehe
mga sir bakit kasi hnd na lng kayo mag basa ng scooterista magazine!! its more interesting to us scooteristas!! more power!!
good job there sir mashimaro! kick a$$ piece you got!
Nice article hehehe. I will never buy top gear magazine anymore unless the menace on paper is out… “scary” (”,)
it is not war. i call it fair.
I suggest we all buckle down and wait for what Top Gear is going to do next.
If an apology is necessary for what is perceived to be sweeping “generalizations” then let us ask for it repeatedly. I am quite sure an apology, if not an explanation will see print in the next issue.
Although the “wake-up call” by the fictional Jesus Alisdyan lampoons in a similar way sa the original satire it was plagerized from. And it too contains a “generalization” of sorts.
Yes it is a searing wake-up call for Top Gear, but did it not work the same in the original piece? A wake up call for riders? The thread sort of feels retaliatory.
Retaliation by writing that piece is not the answer.
Neither is calling people “P)*^n@i#@ ” in a thread or giving out Mr. Sebastian’s home address. What is the intention? To ride over there and lob a molotov cocktail or spray paint his gate in glowing green the words “idiot non-riding journalist?”
Opinions must be respected, and these posts are opinions. BUT motives must be made clear.
My question to all of this is:
Did Erle do THAT much damage to the motorcycling community by his article?
Did his “generalizations” really mean to say that we are ALL guilty of these insensitivities and discourtesy SOME riders have–against other motorists–INCLUDING other motorcyclists.
Did he not strike a chord–a truly sensitive one–to all of us of have in one secret instance or the other beat the red light, did a one-way street the opposite way, rode without a helmet, snuck past a traffic cop, zoomed carelessly in traffic, or even threw a swear word or two against a driver who didn’t know how to use his side mirrors? Who shall cast the first stone?
Will the world end for all of us tomorrow? Will the government suddenly impose a ban on all motorcycles after reading Erle’s column? Will gasoline stations stop serving us because we are bikers. Will the motorcycle factories down south close down? Will our favorite Caloocan Sales, Exceed and CyclePlus go out of business? All after Erle’s column?
I think not.
Let’s not give Erle too much credit.
I am sure a lot of us here see my point. We didn’t like the “attack” that Mr. Sebastian did because in its literal context, it wasn’t fair.
Neon (No. 18 post above) sums this whole treatise I wrote in a 8 words: “it is not war. i call it fair.”
And fair it is for until we receive an official answer from Top Gear as to what kind of apology or statement we want to hear, there is no reason to fan the fire.
For if we want to crucify this “menace on paper” because of this, then so be it. But I implore everyone, let’s at least give “Mr. Loco” a chance to respond.
And let’s not make it a “damn if you do, damn if you don’t” situation, which I expect will happen. What kind of apology will the members of this site want from Mr. Sebastian is the kind that he should make, if only for all of us to move on.
Again I ask everyone to chill and let’s wait for TG’s next move.
Good day to all. Happy riding and keep safe!
hahaha!! hahaha!! hahaha!!
And my question is, are israyme_525 and Mr. Sebastian the same person?
Why can’t Mr Sebastian reply using his own NAME? He stirred up a hornet’s nest and is now hiding behind his editorial ’saya’.
Stand Up Mr. Sebastian. All MCP readers and motorcycle enthusiasts are awaiting your response.
now that is satirical!!! why cant that wannabee writer know it all write something like that?!!!
Mr. Rayme,
Hindi lang naman po mga bikers at car drivers ang nagbabasa nang Top Gear. May mga bata at mga afficionados lang at marami pang ibang klaseng tao, pero dahil likha sa pinoy ang mabilis maniwala sa mga ganito, madaling napabaho ng article ni Mr. Baste ang image ng mga Bikers.
from my own experience, just like kanina sa office ko, My supervisor who just commutes plans to buy his own motorcycle, read that article, then said to me, “ganon ba talga tingin sa mga bikers?” then “ganon ka rin ba?” . and now he is discouraged to buy one (motorcycle)
satire has advantages, yes. Nakuha nyo nga ang atensyon nmin mga bikers pero at the same time, ginising nyo rin ang ibang motorcycle-haters as well. Ganito rin ang nangyayari sa ibang countries, pero have u seen a car mag na tumira ng mga bikers? eh sa amin, did any bike mag sa pinas eh tumira sa car drivers?
apology is much required sa susunod nyang article, not a lame excuse from his pride, we dont care if he is a 10 yrs writer, a smart 10 year old kid can even outsmart him.
ang concern ko lng talaga is yung effect nito sa other bike/r-haters and non-drivers na nagbabasa nang article nya, dahil sira ang image namin.
sabi nga ng dad ko..”irresponsible tayo? gusto ba nila totohanin na natin?”
“Did Erle do THAT much damage to the motorcycling community by his article?”
Well @rayme_525, we’ll never know now will we? Only time will tell.
Don’t try to justify or downplay Mr. Sebastian’s sarcasm and arrogance (read his reply). Sorry but he didn’t strike a chord in me… he just got me angry at his irresponsibility. Coming from a journalist, articles like his do fan the flames of hate. So please spare me the “holier than thou” and “Who shall cast the first stone?” speeches. Heck I’d cast the first stone (figuratively speaking) because frankly I don’t give a damn.
C’mmon bro.. where’s your sense of satirical humor? hehe. FAIR is FAIR. Anyone who openly suggests its “snaggin” time for motorbikes is FAIR game as far as I’m concerned. I do not have to wait for any apology to vent my displeasure, repeatedly if I must.
Nice one! He he he … surely got what he deserved!
Very well said, Mashimaro! Sugio ne!
all i can say…baste had some points on bikers that alot of are guilty..pero it still gave him no right to generalize “all” in his article, especially his lust for carnage about a motorcyclist being creamed…if he’s that heartless, i see no reason why we can’t feel a twinge of enjoyment snagging some arrogant, narrow minded journalist such as? as far as i’m concerned, his low respect for bikers and how much he enjoys reading about us getting creamed really hit my soft spot…i dont easily get pissed but his article did
What crap! No sense that bastard. I invite you to snag me so I can beat your head in on the street. As a biker I weave in and out of traffic, break some rules here and there, I enjoy my two-wheeled freedom, I don’t give a f*ck. Besides we don’t have the luxury being idle in traffic. I don’t complain when big ass vehicles do the same. You’re all hypocrites.
Good job mr sebastian!!! sbhin nyo kay erle ingat cya baka sagasaan cya ng buong moto community!! heheheheheh!!!!!
such a lousy writer, idiotic irresponsible journalist. it is not satirical for me. i like to read some factual motorcycling experiences rather than stupidity in life. don’t waste your time Mr. Sebastian.
just plain rubbish… generalizations kill.. same with the PNP. do your job for cryin out loud. dont blame bikers for the rise in street crimes..
scary truth but sebastian youve entered the dragons den, and woken up a big flame breathing reptile, get ready to be burned… it was your own doing so it is up to you on how you can nullify what is happening.
that’s the rub. journalists (filipino variety at
least) tend to write off the cuff without doing
much research and do often incur the ire of some readers (also listeners of radio/tv journals).
ever wonder why some journalists get shot?
and they do tend to sensationalize what they write as in ” 80 newsmen killed since 1986 ”
which comes out to 4 per year (80 in 20 years) yet seems much more at first glance.
magling pa magsulat si mashimaro kesa kay sebastian.
e hobby lang yan ni mashimaro,
si sebastian- hanap buhay nya magsulat
which means , other than writing stupid articles,wala na syang alam gawin para kumita ng pera kundi mang intriga ng wala sa lugar
sa editor ng TG mag: pare nilloloko ka ng bata mong si sebastian. tanga yan. walang maisulat dahil tamad mag research.
cgurado ko alam mo yan (kung magaling kang manager, dapat alam mo ang taong productive at ang taong nakikisakay lang sa magazine nyo)Maybe this is the opportunity you have been waiting for; fire him from his job. hindi na sasama loob nyan. sya naman may kasalanan.. grab your chance, fire the SOB
cguro c sebastian hindi marunong mag motor mag momotor nga may balancer pang dalawang gulong s gilid at sumesemplang pa kaya gnun n lng galit nun s mga mc’s. eto lng masasabi ko s knya para cyang tanga at npaka walang utak na sariling kapakanan lang ang iniintiding mga inutil n hindi n dpat binubuhay sa mundong ito gaya ng mga taga PNCC n ayaw tayong padaanin s south at north express ng walang sapat na dahilan. kung ang idadahilan nila ay delikado ang motor. eh nasa nag dadala yan kung iyayabang mo ang pag ddrive mo tlagang mamamatay ka ng maaga pero kung defensive ka madali kang makakaiwas sa aksidente at makaaksidente. d b mga GUYS! so come on everybody scream!!!! GET DOWN ON IT! if u really need it, GET DOWN ON IT. if u really feel it. yow yow come on!…. wave your hands from side to side!! wave your hands from side to side!! and say. HEY! HEY! HEY!